Thursday, June 21, 2012

Sex After Baby

A sex life isn’t an impossibility after having a baby. There are ways to increase your chances of getting laid. For one thing, babies sleep a lot. Sure, most new moms do try to get caught up on housework while the little munchkin is dead to the world. Housework can slide though, as long as the place isn’t a health hazard. Your husband’s hardon is far more important than an immaculate house. Go fondle his package and whisper something in his ear like, “Baby nap time - parent sexy time!”

Also, a sense of humor is essential. My husband and I still laugh about the time our son ruined a great blowjob. He was in his crib, which we had set up in our room for fear of SIDS, but there were several factors that should have prevented this from being a problem. He was: A) Asleep, B) Too young to sit up on his own, and C) Behind a bumper pad, where he couldn’t see us if he did wake up. Besides all that, we were being very quiet to keep from waking him. He woke up (of course!) and heard muffled noises.  Being a curious baby, he rolled onto his side and pulled up the bottom edge of the bumper pad to see what was going on. I’ve never jumped away from my husband’s erect penis like that in my life! (Usually I’m either trying to put my mouth on it, or trying to get it in me.) Fortunately, the child fell asleep again right away. Apparently, what Daddy and Mommy were doing was too boring to keep him awake.  We smothered our laughter in the bedclothes, then finished up our now-slightly-less-romantic-but-decidedly-more-humorous interlude.

Most importantly, never say no. At times when I’ve been too tired, I’ve asked my husband to watch the children and let me take a nap first. He doesn’t feel resentful if he knows I’m truly exhausted, and only postponing, not refusing, to take care of his needs. Besides, women have needs too. One of those needs is to feel like a desirable woman again. Ever notice how some women dress sexier after having a baby than they did before? After months of being a baby-bloated whale, it’s nice to look attractive again. What could possibly make a woman feel sexier and more desired than her husband putting the kids in front of Sesame Street then dragging her down to the bedroom? Especially if he acts all caveman about it…yum!  That's a wonderful gift.  Never, ever, refuse it.

Really, sex isn’t that difficult to manage when you have young children, as long as you make it a priority. My husband and I have as much sex as we did before we had children.  That’s what god made kid videos for, right?


  1. The bj story hits close to home and afternoon delight does become much more prevalent after kids. "It's naptime, let's go!"

    1. I bet most parents have some kind of story like that, unless they stop having sex after the kids come along. Oh well, at least my son was too young to remember it. Hope yours was too. :-)