Thursday, September 27, 2012

Lose Weight, Save a Model

We all know that models, in general, are unhealthily thin.  They can't eat anything but carrot sticks and celery, and sometimes if they have one carrot stick too many, they have to puke it up or risk losing their jobs.  They all have eating disorders.  Occasionally, one will starve herself to death, causing shocked and saddened hand-wringing in the media.

Why do they do this?  And why is anorexia considered beautiful in the fashion industry?

The simple, two-word answer is: fat women.  As the general population gets fatter and fatter, models get skinnier and skinnier.  The opposite happened in the Paleolithic.  Women at that time were more likely to be thin because of unreliable food sources.  Venus figurines, on the other hand, were pretty darn hefty.  That was the height of beauty then because it was more difficult to gain excess weight than to be slender.  Being heavy was rare, and thus, desirable.

This leads to the question: what can we do about too-skinny models and their eating disorders and occasional deaths?  The solution is very simple.  Fat women should lose weight.  If you are a fat woman, you should realize that for every bite of Snickers bar you take, a model somewhere is being required by her agent to eat one less piece of celery.  Every 200 Little Debbie snack cakes you eat cause the death of a model by eating disorder.

Please, fat women, do the socially responsible thing.  Stop stuffing your faces and causing untold misery and death.  Lose weight, save a model!


  1. Haha. Greatness. I'm printing this and putting it on my fridge.

  2. Love to burn my fat , i fire my fat through this capsule.

  3. Fantastic! Please, please please please go over to jezebel and write this.