Thursday, September 27, 2012

Lose Weight, Save a Model

We all know that models, in general, are unhealthily thin.  They can't eat anything but carrot sticks and celery, and sometimes if they have one carrot stick too many, they have to puke it up or risk losing their jobs.  They all have eating disorders.  Occasionally, one will starve herself to death, causing shocked and saddened hand-wringing in the media.

Why do they do this?  And why is anorexia considered beautiful in the fashion industry?

The simple, two-word answer is: fat women.  As the general population gets fatter and fatter, models get skinnier and skinnier.  The opposite happened in the Paleolithic.  Women at that time were more likely to be thin because of unreliable food sources.  Venus figurines, on the other hand, were pretty darn hefty.  That was the height of beauty then because it was more difficult to gain excess weight than to be slender.  Being heavy was rare, and thus, desirable.

This leads to the question: what can we do about too-skinny models and their eating disorders and occasional deaths?  The solution is very simple.  Fat women should lose weight.  If you are a fat woman, you should realize that for every bite of Snickers bar you take, a model somewhere is being required by her agent to eat one less piece of celery.  Every 200 Little Debbie snack cakes you eat cause the death of a model by eating disorder.

Please, fat women, do the socially responsible thing.  Stop stuffing your faces and causing untold misery and death.  Lose weight, save a model!

Friday, August 17, 2012

Blatant Sexism - But There Won't Be a Lawsuit

Virgin Australia and Qantas asked two men to  switch seats with women so the evil men wouldn't molest, kill, eat, or otherwise harm the unaccompanied children seated next to them.  Apparently, the airlines were unaware of any cases of women ever harming children in any way.

Of course, there probably won't be lawsuits over these instances of egregious discrimination.  If a male airline employee smiled at a woman and said, "Hi, thank you for travelling with us!  By the way, that's a really great hairdo", some parasitic lawyer would immediately jump on the case.  Sexism!  The traumatized victim needs millions of dollars!  Men are generally expected to "just get over it".

I hope these men do sue.  Maybe they can make it a class-action lawsuit (if such things exist in Australia) on behalf of all men who have flown on these two airlines and been asked to switch seats since this discriminatory policy was introduced.

Monday, August 6, 2012

A Submissive Wife?

I was surprised to learn a couple years ago that my family thinks I'm the dominant partner in my marriage.  As far as I can tell, they have two reasons for thinking this.  1) I don't let my domineering mother control me.  If she takes things too far, I push back.  Hard.  2) Physically, I resemble said domineering mother, who does wear the pants in her marriage.

It seems nowadays if you aren't a pushover who submits to any and everyone, people assume you're a typical modern woman who dominates her husband.  They don't realize that submission can be both selective and subtle.  A woman can follow her husband's leadership, while refusing to be controlled by her mother, her friend, her coworker, etc.  Her submission to her husband may not take the form of jumping to obey barked commands.  He may lead, and she may follow, without this being noticeable to an outside observer.  Really, the couple may not think of it as domination and submission at all.  He may just be the one with more of a vision, a plan for their family, their relationship, and their future.  She follows because she trusts his judgement, not because she is a frightened doormat.

Is this still truly submission, or has the term been so distorted by the extremes of the BDSM community as to be irredeemable?

I don't know.  I consider myself to be mildly submissive because I do follow my husband's lead, and I feel more comfortable and at peace when he is clearly in charge.  Would I do either BDSM or an excessive, religious version of submission that denies the woman a fair say in the course of her own life?  No.  I have too much self-respect for that.

Maybe what you call it doesn't matter as much as the fact that it works for your relationship.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Hormones for CEO

Yahoo hired a pregnant woman as CEO last week (article here).  This is proof positive that their Board of Directors is off their collective rocker.  Did anyone on the board consider that their new CEO, Marissa Mayer, is going to give birth in three months?  After that, she will have the postpartum recovery period, and up to a year of hormonal craziness.  All this, on top of adjusting to her extremely demanding new job.

Why didn't anyone put the brakes on this very poor decision?  Were they really so eager to be seen as the politically correct heroes who hired a pregnant woman for the CEO position that they are willing to risk the health of the company?  For their employees' and shareholders' sakes, I hope they have in place some procedure for working around her after she's had the baby and is an insanely hormonal bitch.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

How a Woman Can Rev Up Her Sex Drive

Here are some good ways to keep female desire high:

1. Read romance novels with steamy sex scenes.

2. Look at erotic art or a sexually-themed blog ( is all about sex, and includes erotic art).

3. Run erotic fantasies through your mind when you are away from your husband and have a few minutes to do so.

4. Buy lingerie for use during sex - and wear it!  It can be impractical and scratchy; it just needs to look good and make you feel like a sex kitten.  You won't have it on long anyway.

5. Buy lingerie that is comfortable enough to wear to bed.  I personally like the slips sold at Victoria's Secret.  Wear one of these even when you are not trying to get laid.  The idea is to feel sexier in general.

6. If your husband is not available for sex when you feel horny, take care of yourself.  If your desire is ignored, it will lessen.  You have to feed your sex drive for it grow.

7. Most importantly, never say no when your husband wants sex.  (Unless you are ill or absolutely exhausted.)  All those wonderful chemicals that happen in your brain during sex bond you to your husband and make you want to have sex with him more.

In short, think sexy thoughts, look at sexy stuff, and have lots of sexy time.  Sounds simple to me.  And quite enjoyable too!

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Stupid Heroines in Romance Novels

Recently, I read yet another romance novel with a "strong" heroine who interjects herself into dangerous situations, in spite of her husband's explicit orders not to do so, because she decides he needs her help.  Of course, he has to rescue her in the end, but only after she has solved the original problem for him.  He ends up realizing her true worth and giving her his respect and admiration.  Yeah, right.  For most of the book, I kept thinking, "She needs a spanking.  Stop with the empty threats to pack her off to the country.  Man up and spank her already!"

For those who don't like the term "man up", how many times have you seen a spoiled brat of a woman who clearly could have done with a spanking and would have enjoyed being the one to give it to her?  The story was set in the 19th century.  The man would not have gone to jail for it.  It was a failure on his part not to rein in his wife after her propensity for stupidity and putting herself in the middle of violent encounters became apparent.  Telling him to man up would be appropriate here.

But then, the book was written by a woman who clearly has been influenced by feminist idiocy.  There's no other way to explain why she thinks a woman can face a man twice her size in a fight with any hope of winning.  Even she ought to be able to see though that a spanking or two would have improved both the book and the heroine.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Definition of a Good Girl

A good girl saves herself for the man who is willing to commit to her.  She doesn't sleep around while waiting for him to arrive.  She doesn't have oral or anal sex while technically remaining a virgin based solely on the fact that she still has an intact hymen.

After she is married, a good girl has sex with her husband willingly and often.  She tries new things in the bedroom (or the living room, the kitchen, the shower, the car, the backyard under the stars, etc.).  She makes every reasonable effort to please her husband in bed, to fulfill his desires and keep him satisfied.  In turn, if she has married a kind, generous man, he will reward her by making sure her sexual needs are met as well.

A married good girl won't withhold herself from her husband.  She proves her chasteness by remaining faithful to her spouse, by absolutely never having an affair, no matter what or who the enticement may be.  She doesn't prove it by refusing marital sex.

A woman who is cold to her husband in bed isn't a good girl; she's a bad wife.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Husbands for Housework

Dalrock has a new post (Does housework make husbands happy?) about an absurd, feminist "study" supposedly proving that doing housework makes for a blissfully happy husband.  I'd agree with that if the "study" showed that the wife taking care of household chores makes a husband more likely to be happy or content with life, but the "study's" authors are asserting that men are happier when they are the ones doing housework.  And they're saying this with a straight face.  Honestly, who really believes that men love cleaning bathrooms and doing laundry?

Almost as laughable is the fact that the "study's" authors are disappointed at "the survival of 'male breadwinner' ideals".  The reason that ideal has survived is because it makes sense from a biological perspective.  The woman is the one who gets pregnant and has children, which means time off work.  Also, pregnancy is a very vulnerable time for a woman.  I personally had complicated pregnancies with months of bed rest.  If I had been the main source of income, our family would have gone under.  We survived because my husband was gainfully employed.

In addition, some women want to stay home and raise their own children, instead of hiring someone else to do it for them.  Some couples arrange their work schedules so both can work and take care of the children.  My husband and I have chosen not to do that.  After working all day/week, he ought to be able to relax a little, instead of coming home to do full-time childcare while I go off to work.  It's less stressful for both of us if we don't juggle two work schedules and split childcare and housework.

Naturally, this only works if the husband makes enough to support the family without a second paycheck.  The wife can help with this by spending within his means.  She can cook at home, which is cheaper and more nutritious than eating out.  Clothing for the family can purchased at discount stores (TJ Maxx is my favorite) and on clearance racks.  She should make certain any out-of-the-ordinary expenses won't strain the budget.  Above all, she shouldn't insist on home renovations, a new car, or an expensive house that her husband can't afford.

No matter what this clearly biased "study" has to say, in this household, the male breadwinner is not made happy by doing housework.  He's much happier to have a wife to do it.  Based on the state of many bachelors' residences, I'd guess he's not the only man who hates housework.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Victoria's Secret Sizing

A few days ago, I went to Victoria's Secret to buy a couple slips to wear to bed.  My trip was successful - I found two pretty, very feminine slips that are much more comfortable than pajamas, and sexier too.  The nicest one was on the clearance rack, and was the last one of that particular style, color, and fabric in the store.  Unfortunately (or so I thought initially), it was an extra-small size.  It was beautiful, and my husband loved it, so I decided to try it on and see if a miracle would occur.  Surprisingly enough, it fit perfectly!

This leaves me with the question: How on earth did an extra-small piece of lingerie fit on my body?  Have I shrunk?  Not likely, after having two children.  While I am still thin, my husband's hands no longer span my waist.  (For anyone who is wondering, I am very proud that his average-sized hands used to be able to circle my waist with fingers and thumbs touching on each side.  That's something I'll tell my grandchildren.)

No, the difference isn't with my body shape.  The most likely explanation is that Victoria's Secret has tinkered with the sizes to make fat women feel better.  The chubsters are more likely to shop there if it gives them the irrational delusion that they're beautiful sex kittens.  The store hasn't sunk low enough yet to offer size 16 lingerie, but they may be headed in that direction.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

My Apologies for Disregarding Facebook Protocol

When I had a flu-like virus recently, I neglected to perform the proper Facebook procedure for illness.  I humbly beg forgiveness for my failure to post hourly updates on my condition.  I know all my friends wanted to be kept informed as to what degree my fever was, as well as the color of my snot, but I really was too ill to make these important status updates.  Please pardon my shocking dereliction of duty.  I swear I'll do better in future.

This regrettable lapse on my part has reminded me of other, nearly as heinous, Facebook sins I have committed.  I have not conspicuously displayed my love for my husband by means of frequent "Love ya, babe!" comments and pictures tagged "The Love of My Life!"  I've also overlooked my duty to post daily pictures of my children doing super-duper, awesome, amazing feats like sleeping or eating.  I promise to rectify this glaring omission immediately.  I will even go the extra mile, as some of my friends have done, and regularly post pictures of me with my children running mundane errands, and title them, "With my sweeties!" or "Out and about with my little buddies!"

Most importantly of all, I have not publicly praised My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and posted somewhat stilted prayers that attempt to sound eloquent and flowery.  If I deny him before men, he will deny me before his father in heaven.  Therefore, all good Christians should stand on the Facebook corner and pray publicly, to be seen of men.  This is also something I shall correct.  I will post daily prayers.  On Sundays, I will also post a blow-by-blow account of the morning church service, with an inspirational scripture.  I will witness to my unbelieving friends on their walls.  When any of my friends make a statement or post a link on their own walls that is not correct according to my beliefs, I will immediately reply with The Truth, tell them they are going to hell, then defriend and block them.  I will stand up for Jesus against the forces of Satan on Facebook!

Again, I plead for your forgiveness of my transgressions.  From here on out, I promise to abide by all Facebook rules regarding the posting of trivial details of my life.

Friday, June 29, 2012

The Rewards of Virginity

In today's western societies, virginity is not a greatly-prized virtue.  The sluts get all the attention, while virgins are actively shamed. 

Even after marriage, when I am no longer a virgin, women tell me that I should have slept around before marriage.  How can I know I'm having good sex if I haven't had it with numerous other men?!  The fact that I'm enjoying it and having frequent orgasms isn't enough - according to them, I need to have experience with other men to really be able to tell if I'm having a good time with my husband in bed.  As ridiculous as it may sound, this is the message being drummed into women and girls: if you don't ride the cock carousel in your teens and twenties, you won't be able to truly tell if you are having sexual pleasure for the rest of your life. 

Slutty women are unlikely to start suddenly praising virginity, as it makes them look worse by comparison.  With the vast numbers of sluts in the US, this means most women are not going to come out in favor of girls saving themselves for marriage, or at least engagement.  Therefore, if men would prefer to marry virgins, they will need to be the ones to reward virginity.

When was the last time you heard a man bragging that his wife was a virgin the first time he had her?  Never, I'll bet.  Yet, men boast all the time about the whores they've been with.  It's time for men who marry virgins to brag as loudly as the ones who bang sluts.  There should be no doubt in anyone's mind, least of all his wife's, that he is proud to have been the one to deflower her, as well as the only man to have had her since.

It's not a bad idea for the rewards to be tangible as well.  I once met a Muslim woman who told me that in her culture a man is very pleased if his wife is a virgin on their wedding night.  He will usually give her expensive jewelry to show his approval and appreciation.  Having a piece of jewelry to wear as a reminder of this is both an encouragement to other girls and women not to give their virginity away to men who don't commit to them and also an incentive for the wife to remain faithful to her husband.  After all, if he valued her virginity so highly, he will likely value her marital faithfulness as well.

Or we could just go back to displaying the bloody sheet as proof of the bride's innocence on the wedding night.  Now there’s a way to make feminists die of sudden heart failure.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Note to all Feminists

You are not making my life better or freer.  We are already equal to men.  We can vote, drive a car, go to college, own property, get a divorce, kill an unborn baby, and have any career we want.  At this point, all you are doing is making my life more difficult.  Let me explain a few things to you.

There’s a reason women used to be considered the weaker sex - because we are the weaker sex!  When my husband and I were first married, he didn’t seem to realize that I can’t lift as much as he can.  If I asked him to carry a heavy object for me, he would usually say something like, "It's not that heavy.  You could have carried it."  This puzzled me.  I'm obviously smaller and weaker than he is, and no, I couldn't carry it.  That's why I asked for help.  It finally dawned on me what was going on.  He had always been taught that: A) A woman can do anything a man can do - only better!  B) Aside from the penis vs. breasts and vagina thing, there aren't really any differences between men and women.  C) The apparent differences between men and women are due to social programming from the Evil Patriarchy. 

I had to explain to my husband what ought to have been obvious - I am weaker than he is.  That is a biological fact that I can't change.  There will always be objects too heavy for me to lift and jars too difficult for me to open.  I will frequently need help with tasks that require greater strength than I possess.  Women who are joining the armed forces or becoming firefighters or police officers are getting in under lower standards than what is required of men.  This is because they also are weaker than men.  It isn't discrimination or evil patriarchiness to say this.  It's simply a fact of life.

Furthermore, “affordable childcare” is not a right. I don’t want to dump my children in daycare in order to work a job. I want to live in a normal, sane world where I can put my children’s welfare and happiness ahead of career ambitions and not be pitied or looked down on for it.

I have no desire to shatter glass ceilings.  I refuse to enter a male-dominated field while demanding they lower the standards for me, thereby leaving male coworkers to pick up the slack.  I will not attempt to shame or force a company into paying me as much as male coworkers for working fewer hours and taking more unplanned vacation days due to the necessity of taking care of sick children.  I also refuse to consider myself oppressed because of my lack of a high-powered career.  I willingly chose to have children.  I willingly chose to leave the workforce in order to take care of them myself.  In fact, because I was already married and planning to have children, I chose not to go after a career at all.  I chose to quit college and work office jobs to put my husband through school.  Now he supports us while I stay home with the kids.  These were all MY choices.  I am not a poor little victim - and you do not speak for me.

But the worst thing you have done is harm the children of our country in your pursuit of your feminist agenda.  You push for laws and policies that favor women, even if those same laws and policies harm the women's children.

Family courts are biased against men.  I once knew a woman who abandoned her husband and children.  They didn't even know where she was for a year.  Three or four years and another husband later, she went to court and got her kids from her first marriage back.  A few months after that, she was tired of dealing with them, so she gave them back to her ex-husband.  Those children were ripped from the only home they had ever known, taken several states away where they knew no one and were, on multiple occasions, physically abused by their mother's religious fanatic of a mother-in-law, then suddenly and without explanation dumped back on their father.   All this because family courts operate on the sexist, feminist assumption that "children belong with the mother".

Under feminism, divorce is incredibly easy to get, and profitable for women.  In most states, a woman who divorces her husband (and an overwhelming majority of divorces are initiated by women) can get half of all the couple's assets even if she brought nothing to the marriage, substantial alimony for years, and a hefty child support check that she is not required to spend on the children. 

The divorce rate has soared under this system.  A woman can kick her children's father out of the house while legally forcing him to continue to support her, no matter how this harms her children.  Children are less likely to succeed in life, more likely to be abused, more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs, and more likely to become criminals as adults when they are not raised in a stable, two-parent home.  It's shocking how many women are willing and even eager to expose their children to these risks, simply because they no longer feel in love with their husbands.

Even worse than the divorce scam are the domestic violence laws.  A woman can run into a door, then call the police accusing her husband of hitting her.  In most states, he will automatically be taken to jail and charged.  It can take a year or more to prove his innocence, during which time he will probably not be allowed to see his children.  They lose a year or two with their dad, and all because of their mother's legally protected vindictiveness.

You feminists don't represent me when you support laws, policies, and social attitudes that might in future be used against my son, and that at present are harming innocent men and children.  Today's men and boys weren't even alive when The Patriarchy (oh, horrors!) ran the show.  But it seems the Matriarchy you are bent on creating is determined to make these innocents pay for it, all because they were born with that hated Y chromosome.

Then you go on talk shows and pat yourselves on the back. Oh, you’ve done so much for women everywhere! We should be so grateful! Younger women don't recognize what you did for them!  What martyrs you all are!  Just shut up and die already. Exit the planet and leave the rest of us in peace.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Money for Victimhood

I've been ignoring the story of the bullied bus monitor.  These kinds of things should be handled by the school and the parents, not the news media.  However, when I saw this story, I couldn't ignore it anymore.  People are sending her on vacations and throwing money at her ($500,000 so far) because of one instance of bullying.  The victim culture is out of control.  Please, someone make it stop...

Sex After Baby

A sex life isn’t an impossibility after having a baby. There are ways to increase your chances of getting laid. For one thing, babies sleep a lot. Sure, most new moms do try to get caught up on housework while the little munchkin is dead to the world. Housework can slide though, as long as the place isn’t a health hazard. Your husband’s hardon is far more important than an immaculate house. Go fondle his package and whisper something in his ear like, “Baby nap time - parent sexy time!”

Also, a sense of humor is essential. My husband and I still laugh about the time our son ruined a great blowjob. He was in his crib, which we had set up in our room for fear of SIDS, but there were several factors that should have prevented this from being a problem. He was: A) Asleep, B) Too young to sit up on his own, and C) Behind a bumper pad, where he couldn’t see us if he did wake up. Besides all that, we were being very quiet to keep from waking him. He woke up (of course!) and heard muffled noises.  Being a curious baby, he rolled onto his side and pulled up the bottom edge of the bumper pad to see what was going on. I’ve never jumped away from my husband’s erect penis like that in my life! (Usually I’m either trying to put my mouth on it, or trying to get it in me.) Fortunately, the child fell asleep again right away. Apparently, what Daddy and Mommy were doing was too boring to keep him awake.  We smothered our laughter in the bedclothes, then finished up our now-slightly-less-romantic-but-decidedly-more-humorous interlude.

Most importantly, never say no. At times when I’ve been too tired, I’ve asked my husband to watch the children and let me take a nap first. He doesn’t feel resentful if he knows I’m truly exhausted, and only postponing, not refusing, to take care of his needs. Besides, women have needs too. One of those needs is to feel like a desirable woman again. Ever notice how some women dress sexier after having a baby than they did before? After months of being a baby-bloated whale, it’s nice to look attractive again. What could possibly make a woman feel sexier and more desired than her husband putting the kids in front of Sesame Street then dragging her down to the bedroom? Especially if he acts all caveman about it…yum!  That's a wonderful gift.  Never, ever, refuse it.

Really, sex isn’t that difficult to manage when you have young children, as long as you make it a priority. My husband and I have as much sex as we did before we had children.  That’s what god made kid videos for, right?

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Appearances Really Can Be Deceiving

Taking kids shopping can be embarrassing, but I don't want to hire a babysitter, so I take them anyway.  This turned out to be, on one occasion, hilariously mortifying.  The child in question was in the cart.  (S)he (I won't reveal the child's gender, as I don't want to cause him/her potential future embarrassment) knocked a shirt off a rack, then ripped a huge one at the exact moment I bent to pick up the shirt.  Even worse, it smelled like rotten eggs.  A man walking by gave me a dirty look that said, "You're disgusting!  Go to the bathroom next time!" 

I didn't bother to explain.  There was no way he would have believed that the cute little angel in the cart did that.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Public Service Announcement to All Strong, Independent Women

If you are a “strong, independent woman”, then stand on your own two feet - no government assistance, no alimony, and no child support used as alimony.

Child support should be a reasonable amount that is only used for the children. If you are as strong and independent as you claim, you should be able to pay your own bills and buy food and necessities for yourself without using your children’s money. It is particularly unconscionable to steal the money intended for your children’s support and use it to pay for your luxuries, such as hobbies, vacations, and shopping.

I support any legislation that may in future be proposed to give men the legal right to demand documentation showing how the child support they paid was actually used.  I further support the legally mandated repayment of all child support monies inappropriately used by the mother and/or other related or non-related person(s).

This is Linanati Smith, and I approve this message.